Why a woman should work
Being a stay-at-home mom could be a precarious move, according to Leslie Bennetts, author of "The Feminine Mistake." She talks with host Tess Vigeland about the consequences passing on the workplace could have down the road.
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TEXT OF INTERVIEW
Tess Vigeland: When you think about a really difficult, yet rewarding career, what comes to mind? Physician? Policeman? Teacher? How about stay-at-home mom?
Well, the author of the book "The Feminine Mistake" says women who opt out of the workforce -- or never join it in the first place -- are putting their financial lives at enormous risk.
Leslie Bennetts, why do you think it's such a big mistake?
Leslie Bennetts: They are only assessing it at a particular moment in time. If you are 35 and you're home with your children, you might say, "Oh, it's worked out really well for me." But what about if you're 50 and your husband leaves your or dies or gets sick or incapacitated or loses his job and you're suddenly struggling to support your family. What you're likely to find if you try to go back into the workplace at a moment of crisis or need is that you can't get back in and get a decent job with benefits. This is a very unpleasant surprise for women who suddenly find that they do need to earn a living.
Vigeland: Does financial self-sufficiency then have to come from working or can it also be part of how you are involved in managing the finances at home whether you work or not?
Bennetts: Well that depends on how many financial resources you have. I mean, if your husband is a billionaire and you've set up lots of provisions whereby if something happens to him you're still going to be provided for then there's no problem. If you don't want to work, you are not terribly vulnerable if you don't, but I find that most women have not really been that serious about financial planning. Again, this is what the data show. All the investment advisers and financial planners that I talked to said that women have a tremendous tendency to leave these things to men. They may pay the household bills, but they don't really involve themselves with the larger financial planning of the family.
Vigeland: But if they were to get involved in that planning, wouldn't that serve to ameliorate the problem of not working?
Bennetts: Only if they have resources that are great enough to provide for their futures. But these days women are routinely living into their 80s and 90s and very few women realize that if something happens to their husbands when they're 50, they may have four decades or more to support themselves on whatever financial resources he left behind. The average age of widowhood in America is only 55.
Vigeland: The average age of widowhood is 55 years old?
Bennetts: According to the AARP, yes.
Vigeland: That's astonishing.
Bennetts: Yes it is. And by the time women are in their early 60s, two-thirds of American women are without partners.
Vigeland: I wonder what your thoughts are on women who really believe and feel that it's what they want to do with their life to stay home and work with their children and raise their children because your argument really is that you have to at some point be a part of the workforce so that later on if something -- God forbid -- happens, you are able to get a job and support your family.
Bennetts: I am not saying it's not a valid choice to stay home with your children; I'm saying it's an extremely dangerous choice and one that works out very badly for many women and their kids. In my book, I say was it really worth it to be home when your second child lost his fourth tooth if something happens to your husband and you end up losing your home entirely? I've talked to so many women who find themselves suddenly without a breadwinner and a lot of the adverse consequences of divorce in the society are really a result of the economic impact. Women's standard of living plummets by 38 percent in cases of divorce, whereas men's standard of living goes up by 26 percent. But it's the women and the children who suffer. So I'm not criticizing the inherent worth or value of the decision to be home with your children, but I am saying it's a very risky choice.
Vigeland: Are there options for those women outside of going back to work?
Bennetts: Well first of all, they have to do sensible financial planning within the context of the family, sit down with their husbands make a plan for what's going to happen to the wife and the children if something happens to him. But second of all, if women are going to take time-outs from the workforce, there are ways that you can handle time out to maximize your chances of getting back in, but again, I find a lot of women are not aware of that. I think that it's a big shock when women learn that as little as three years out of the workforce results in women taking a nearly 40 percent hit in their earnings. So when women do take time-out, if they can target their volunteer work to areas that are relevant to their professional fields, that can help them later on. There are lots of things like that that people could do, but I find that many women simply retire to a domestic life and they think "Oh, I don't have to think about this until I want to come back." They don't realize how quickly the ageism and sexism kick in, but they don't know this until after they're already up against it.
Vigeland: Leslie Bennetts is the author of "The Feminine Mistake." Thanks so much for coming in.
Bennetts: Thank you for having me.
Comments
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From Hartland, CT, 09/05/2008
This is the same (very old) argument. Women must work for financial independence. Yet marriage, and family, are all about interdependence.
I'm a SAHM with two boys, ages 2 & 4. I have a BA in Economics, an MBA in Marketing, and finishing my MS in Accounting & Tax. I spent 10 years as a mangement consultant but now am making a switch to becoming an accountant.
I think the takeaway here is that you ALWAYS need a plan. But clearly children do best when they are cared for by an at-home parent. If something happened to my husband, I would go back to project management, though not with a consulting company as travel does not mesh with parenting. We have life insurance to help pay for child care and to pay off our mortgage, and rainy day funds for emergencies from illness to replacing cars.
Be prudent, be smart, and plan ahead. But don't let that keep you from being the parent your children need you to be. Which is more important - financial independence from your spouse, or your children's health and well-being?
From Homestead, FL, 09/02/2008
Wow! I posted & then read everyone's comments but I think everyone's point of view is valid. The author simply serves to remind women not to get too comfortable staying at home because 'anything can happen'. Have a backup plan, work part-time, but just don't get too comfortable. It's worthwhile advice & nothing worth stating the person shouldn't be interviewed or lose her job. This is a free country, which means free speech the last time I checked.
From Homestead, FL, 09/02/2008
I agree 100 % with the author although I am self-employed & work full time online while staying home with my 2 girls. My 2 year old just started school last month but only for 1/2 day & the 7 month old is home with me all the time. I have been home since June 2006 and trying to find outside employment, much less in my field - Journalism - has been almost impossible. I certainly feel my husband takes me for granted - I work full-time, cook, clean & care for the girls. So I totally relate to what the author describoes because I do feel that something could happen where I am left to care for the 2 girls. This is why I don't want more children. I feel that the burden is always on the women. Also, I find it amazing that the man's quality of life should increase by 26 % after divorce - I won't share that with my husband!
From Bossier City, LA, 08/31/2008
I am a 35-year-old master's degree-holding, stay-at-home mother to a 15-month-old little boy named Jackson. I pay the bills and manage our long-term family finances. I make it my business to engage in financial research and work hard with my husband to find creative ways to ensure our family's healthy financial future. I welcome financial advice; however, I was offended--like so many commenting here--by Ms. Bennetts’ pithy, disrespectful remarks regarding being home for the loss of a tooth. Despite Ms. Vigeland's best efforts to steer her toward respectful concessions of the dignity of choosing “to stay home and work with their children,” Ms. Bennetts was unrelenting. This could have been a fantastic opportunity to educate, equip, and foster solidarity among women with children in and outside of the workplace. Ms. Bennetts chose to be divisive by taking pot shots at the reasons why women choose to stay home with their children in the first place. Disappointing and rather cliché.
From Bainbridge Island, WA, 08/31/2008
i wish this story and others like it related the other side. The high cost of child care related to the poor quality in the US. I would love to be back in the work force full time but to do so only to fork out most of my paycheck to child care doesn't seem worth it to me. My husband and I are squarely in the middle class even when both of us were working. Once we did the math on putting both kids under 5 in day care (at home nanny was even more prohibitive) it just didn't make sense to clear maybe $2-5/hour after taxes and expenses to work. And I have a college education. Granted, not my masters not worth much.
From Knightdale, NC, 08/31/2008
Ms. Bennetts is right on target. I stayed home with my three sons while my husband worked and went through college. I had a degree and earned a master's while at home. My marriage fell apart when the sons were just leaving home. Even though I was well-educated and was valedictorian of my h.s. class, it's been difficult supporting myself. My husband married again soon after the divorce and has lived well--retired early. I'm still working at age 68. But everything considered, I wouldn't trade my time at home with my sons for financial security. But you can be sure that I wouldn't sacrifice again so my husband could go to college while we were raising the children.
08/31/2008
For those moms who stayed home during their child's early years and now want to return to work, read Back on the Career Track: A Guide for Stay-at-Home Moms Who Want to Return to Work by Carol Fishman Cohen and Vivian Steir Rabin, and see their website www.iRelaunch.com for events and information on career reentry. Note to Marketplace producers: Carol and Vivian would be happy to discuss their return to work strategies on one of your shows.
From NC, 08/31/2008
Ms. Bennett's disdain for stay-at-home moms is offensive. I didn't stay home to protect my kids' teeth, but rather to protect their emotional health and insure their moral fortitude. Our families financial goals remained the same when we decided to have a family, we just focused on the basics and modified our expectations. With a child on the autism spectrum, it's a good thing we planned for the unexpected, as services for him are practically non-existent. I understand Ms. Bennett's general point that woman may be called to return to the work force unexpectedly and so should make particular preparations: I wish she could have made her arguement without such outright ridicule. My choice was not a horrible "mistake", it was a humble "mission".
From Tulsa, OK, 08/30/2008
At home parents would love sage advice regarding ways to better their financial situation. However, I found Ms. Bennetts offensive, judgemental, and one-sided in her arguements.
For example when she said
"I find that many women simply retire to a domestic life and they think "Oh, I don't have to think about this until I want to come back.""
This makes stay-at-home parents sound irresponsible and unconcerned about their families well being.
Jennifer Powers
From Falls Church, VA, 08/30/2008
At-home mothers (and at-home fathers) could benefit from respectful, thoughtful financial advice. But Leslie Bennetts can’t offer that, because she doesn’t respect at-home mothers, and it shows. Bennetts thinks she can browbeat at-home mothers into returning to paid employment, dramatizing her opinions with misleading statistics and scare tactics. Then she throws in a hefty dose of disdain, saying “was it really worth it to be home when your second child lost his fourth tooth if something happens to your husband and you end up losing your home entirely?” She just doesn’t get it, and it’s unlikely she ever will.
Many at-home parents recognize they’re taking financial risks by leaving the paid workforce. They weigh those risks against other risks to their families' long-term well-being, and they think carefully about their values and desires. Together with their spouse, they make decisions about how to provide income-earning and caregiving for their family. Often, these decisions are reassessed as children grow. And yes, sometimes bad things happen -- a spouse dies or the marriage falls apart.
Marketplace can and should do a better job of examining the financial vulnerabilities of at-home parents and exploring ways to protect them. Leslie Bennetts is not the one to call. She should go look for another job.
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