Bar mitvahs less outlandish in recession
Before the recession, many bar mitzvahs were outlandishly extravagant with families spending lavishly on parties after the religious ceremony. But the economic downturn is bringing these parties back down to earth. Rebecca Sheir reports.
Gift wrapped with blue ribbon with Jewish stars of David for a bar mitzvah (iStockPhoto)
More on America's Financial Crisis
TEXT OF STORY
Kai Ryssdal: If you have teenagers, they've may have been to a couple bar or bat mitzvahs. Bar's the one for a boy; Bat for a girl. There's the religious ceremony, to mark a Jewish child's move into adulthood, and then there's the party. Back before the economy went into the tank, these celebrations had become so competitive that "over the top" was becoming the new normal. But the growing financial crisis may be crashing that party. Rebecca Sheir has more.
Rebecca Sheir: The 2006 movie, "Keeping Up With The Steins," opens at a bar mitzvah celebration with a "Titanic" theme and budget. The bar mitzvah boy sails into the ballroom on a replica of the "Titanic." Alongside him, a killer whale -- a real one -- wearing a yarmulke and leaping through a Star of David.
Zachary from "Keeping Up With The Steins": Today I am the King of the Torah!!!
The scene is intended as satire, but in some cases, it looks a lot like real life.
DAVID WOLPE: I've seen tropical parties with dancing Hula girls, and the child ushered in like some ancient Hawaiian potentate.
That's Rabbi David Wolpe of Sinai Temple in Los Angeles. He's seen kids make their grand entrance on horseback -- one jumped through a ring of fire. This kind of excess used to be reserved for weddings, Wolpe says, but now--
WOLPE: The only way to have a wedding that would surpass the bar or bat mitzvah is to do it in outer space.
And the tab for some bar and bat mitzvahs does reach into the stratosphere -- what with the caviar and filet mignon, the $10,000 celebrity impersonator, the elaborate invitations, hand-delivered with a goody bag.
But now that the economy has, well, "plotzed," people are bringing their parties back to Earth.
GABRIELLE STONE: They may say "you know, I want to plan a beautiful bar or bat mitzvah for my child, but I know I also have to pay for college five years from now, and so maybe we don't do the world's craziest thing."
Gabrielle Stone is an event planner in Cambridge, Mass. She says even if you're not doing "the world's craziest thing"--
STONE: If you have any event that has 100 guests, and you're serving a full meal, and you're having music--
And you've skipped the martini bar, the five-story centerpieces, and the souvenir bar mitzvah boy T-shirts--
STONE: Possibly the bare minimum might be around $20,000? $15,000?
To beat that, Stone says, people are trimming their guest lists to family and close friends, trading steak for chicken or vegetarian, hiring a D-J, not a band and ditching those flashy invitations for ones you can download and print out yourself.
Ellen Klapper is planning her daughter's bat mitzvah in Newton, Mass., and trying to keep it simple. As a mortgage banker, she's plenty familiar with the financial downturn.
Ellen Klapper: In this economy where people are so struggling and there's no light at the end of the tunnel, to do something so outlandish wouldn't be sort of in line with what's happening in the big world.
Nor, she says, would it be in line with what a bar or bat mitzvah is supposed to be: a sacred rite of passage where a 13-year-old child takes on the "mitzvah," or "divine commandment," of making that "big world" a better place.
As Rabbi David Wolpe sees it, the recession might be just the thing to encourage people to focus more on the "mitzvah" and less on, well, the "bar."
WOLPE: It may be one of those times -- one of those rare times -- when economic trial helps spiritual health. Because this is about the quality of your soul, and not the size of your bankbook.
And given that today's 13-year-olds will one day inherit all of our economic "mishegas," spending less just might be a 'mitzvah' in and of itself.
I'm Rebecca Sheir, for Marketplace.
Comments
Comment | Refresh
From Ann Arbor, MI, 02/03/2009
REVISED
A somewhat expanded version of my previous comments...
Many Jewish communities have guidelines for Bar and Bat Mitzvahs which keep the ritual and celebration simple and meaningful.
For example, in our congregation the Bar or Bat mitzvah boy or girl initiates and completes community service and charitable projects in the year preceding the ceremony. At the ceremony the boy or girl describes their work and its impact.
The high point of the ritual is the reading of the Torah (the holy scripture) and the child’s leading of the community in prayer. The party afterwards (if there is one) is simple, participatory, joyful and community oriented- NOT an ostentatious show of wealth.
Most Jewish communities are focused primarily on the "Mitzvah" in Bar Mitzvah. A mitzvah is defined as: the observance ofes divine law or more popularly, as a doing a good deed. We celebrate the emergence of a "bar" or "bat" (literally: a son or daughter) who truly is a "person of good deeds" who follows divine law and expresses their Jewish Values by a commitment to working for "Tikkun Olam" ...or the repair and nurturing of a better world for all.
It strikes me as somewhat irresponsible to suggest that the majority of Bar and Bat Mitzvahs focus on extravagant celebrations. Particularly when it is implied that the main motivation to simplify the practice is the current economy.
To focus on a few over-the-top bar mitzvah parties (which in no way represent most bar or bat mitzvah ceremonies) is to focus on valu of materialism – a perspective reinforcing negative stereotypes of Jews. The real values expressed in bar or bat mitzvahs are a commitment to the study of Torah, prayer, good works and community service.
From MI, 01/30/2009
Many Jewish congregations have guidelines for Bar and Bat Mitzvahs which keep the ritual and celebration simple and meaningful.
For example, our congregation requires community service and charitable projects to be initiated and completed by the Bar or Bat mitzvah boy/girl in the year preceding the ceremony. Reading of the Torah (holy scripture) is the high point of the ritual and the party afterwards is simple, participatory, joyful and community oriented- NOT an ostentatious show of wealth.
Most Jewish communities are focused primarily on the "Mitzvah" (literally: good deed) in Bar and Bat Mitzvah and celebrate the emergence of a "bar" or "bat" (literally: son or daughter) who truly is "person of good deeds" who values and expresses their Jewish Values by a commitment to working for "Tikkun Olam" ...the repair and nurturing of a better world for all.
It strikes me as somewhat irresponsible to suggest that the majority of Bat/Bat Mitzvahs focus on an extravagant celebrations. Particularly when it is implied that the main motivation to simplify this practice is the current economy.
From W Bloomfield, MI, 01/26/2009
I have been to bar/bat mitzvahs where excess was viewed as normal. Ugghhh. Also normal at these is a lot of lip service about mitzvot, but no real knowlege about what that means. If you are a victim of having to go to one of these overdone affairs, my sympathies to you. Please don't view these shows as any kind of representation of Judaism. In other words, I'm giving an "Amen" to Joel Stein.
But would the people who put these on submit to Takonot? (Sets of guidelines within a community that limit the excesses of weddings and other celebrations?)
01/24/2009
It's possible to balance budget & meaning. I manage Kol Zimra, an interactive a cappella group that specializes in customizing groups of singers at bar/bat mitzvahs. I can tell you from experience that the most important element, and the most appreciated, is the mitzvah.
01/24/2009
It's possible to balance budget & meaning. I manage Kol Zimra, an interactive a cappella group that specializes in customizing groups of singers at bar/bat mitzvahs. I can tell you from experience that the most important element, and the most appreciated, is the mitzvah.
From Long Beach, CA, 01/24/2009
This was an interesting story. I have one comment though. This isn't just you guys, but I have noticed a lack of reporting of latino issues. While bar mitvahs and jewish culture are interesting, jews make up only ~2% of the american public. Those of hispanic descent are a much larger portion of america, and the quinceanera would have made just as interesting a story. A lot more relevant and informational too for the bulk of us. It seems there is a standard bias against reporting on hispanic culture (unintended I am sure) for stories of this type. Think about this for next time?
Thanks, and keep up the good work.
-Ian
From Cleveland, OH, 01/24/2009
Well written!
01/23/2009
a truly pathetic waste of money and instilling of disgusting values in children that lead to more Madoffs and the decline of moral values in the US.
From MN, 01/23/2009
The song is "Hevenu Shalom Aleichem."
From San Jose, CA, 01/23/2009
What is that upbeat tune at the end of this segment?
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